Weekly Check In – 6/16/2021

One hundred weeks out from surgery, and here are the numbers I care about:

  • Weight: 239

Down three pounds. This, obviously, is something I’m happy about. We hit the gym almost every day this week. It’s still not feeling like a habit yet (that should likely be another week or two). Thursday we got up super late but we still dragged our asses out of bed and got there and I was proud of that. And Friday I did nearly six and a half miles on the bike, in thirty minutes. Six miles is the goal and I fell a tiny bit short (5.9 miles) of it twice this week so I was pushing myself yesterday. Kinda stoked about that.

I’m writing this on Saturday night, which is about the latest I’ve ever written one of these, but there’s a lot of shit to deal with this week. My summer term starts at one of my schools on Monday and I’m just finishing the prep for it. I thought it’d be faster to do. I thought I’d just copy over last summer’s class into this one, change the due dates and call it a day. Except last summer I taught 1B instead of 1A. Yeah. So I’ve been figuring out how to cram sixteen weeks into six. I think I’m good though, I just need to record a few more videos.

It’s been kind of a weird week. On Monday I was at the gym and judging people with the tired, “It goes over your nose too, dill hole,” routine on repeat in my head, and then yesterday I was in there working out sans mask. I’m still keeping distanced from people, and I’ve had both shots, but that’s a LOT of transition for one week. And it feels kinda weird, but also…not? I dunno. The plague is over I guess. Except it isn’t. But again, I’m vaccinated, and at some point I have to start easing my way back into the human petri dish. You know, like I did for half a century prior to all this shit.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist earlier today. I’ve been taking Lexapro for three months maybe, and I’ve been on Wellbutrin for about three weeks (which, for the record, I’m enjoying). When we talked a month ago, I told her about the time I flipped off a lady who cut me off in traffic. Today I told her about the time (yesterday) when I flipped off a guy who was driving like an asshole and then had the balls to honk his horn and the guy who wasn’t driving like an asshole. You’ll notice that I wasn’t even involved in that exchange, until the end where I flipped the one guy (who was absolutely driving like an asshole) off. So now she’s changing my prescription to something I can’t remember off the top of my head, and upping the dosage a bit on the Wellbutrin. If I flip anyone off between now and next month, “it’s very likely” that she’ll put me on a mood stabilizer. Not sure how I feel about that. Not sure the incident yesterday was entirely a horrible thing, but…

I used to take so many fucking pills every morning that when I opened the top drawer to my nightstand, I used to think, “Look, there’s my medication metropolis.” And I haven’t been taking any of those pills in over a year and a half and I’m really enjoying that. Adding these two medications to the daily vitamins has started feeling like the bad old days again and even though it’s for something totally different, I’m not happy about that. Also, I trust science and all that, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a shit ton of doctors who are way too quick to prescribe medications that might not be entirely necessary.

And yet, I shouldn’t be flipping people off in traffic. I’m a state employee ffs.

Also, it’s apparently not good for my physical health when I do that shit. And yet, I’m kinda torn about the possibility of adding a third drug to my daily routine, even though I’m 100% painfully aware of how fucked up my fucked up monkey brain is. I have a lot to think about (and talk about with my headshrinker) over the next month.

Three things I’m grateful for:

  • My people. I had a fantastic phone call with Bella last weekend, Phil is on his way here as I type this (actually he arrived as I finished typing “as I type this” and now it’s several hours later and I’ll be finishing this in the morning and you didn’t need to know any of that, but hey), and I’ll be talking on the phone with my sister (and seeing a lot of other family) tomorrow.
  • Actual healthcare. I’ve been talking with friends in other states, and thank god I live in California. I’ll leave it at that.
  • My health. I’m coming up on my two year surgery anniversary and at the moment, I’m only seven pounds higher than my lowest weight since having it. There’s been some struggle to be sure, but I’m really happy with where I’m at.

I’m good this week. Busy as hell again (with my only week off work until August…), but I’ll always take that over nothing to do.

Here, have a graphic: