Ninety one weeks out from surgery, and here are the numbers I care about:
- Weight: 238
Up 0.2 pounds. Meh. This whole week has been kinda meh until today. Today – Friday for those of you who give a shit – I actually shaved my skull and face, showered, put on adult clothing and WENT OUT INTO THE WORLD. The world was fine, it says hi. Weirdly though, I was just singing while feeding my dogs and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I didn’t spend the day indoors. I’m teaching two classes on campus at one of my schools in the fall and I couldn’t be happier about that. Last weekend I was talking to Annette and in the course of that discussion I realized that:
- Every summer, as we get closer and closer to the start of the fall term, I get more and more depressed due to the complete lack of structure / need to actually go do anything. This is not something I just realized but it’s important that you know that because,
- I’ve been on summer break for 13 fucking months.
So, no coincidence, today is the first day of my new Lexapro habit. Five sexy milligrams of “fuck it” in a bitter little pill. No nausea, no migraine, so I guess we’ll see how things are in four to six weeks.
The medication actually showed up yesterday but I made the mistake of reading the various warnings and prescription information. I didn’t know my head could swell up, ejaculate from my eye sockets, and explode. I’ve never read a single piece of medication information aside from what’s on the actual label of the bottle, but this isn’t for blood sugar or a headache…this is a pill they give crazy people, so of course I had to read everything. I’m never ever ever ever ever ever ever doing that again.
Started today. Let’s hope it’s useful.
Three things I’m grateful for:
- Medication. Maybe not Lexapro specifically, but I’ve gotten pretty fantastic at self awareness over the last 18 years and I’ve spent the last several weeks hyper-scrutinizing my behavior and I so clearly need medication. I started writing this on Wednesday night and didn’t finish it because Annette and I got into a fight over something incredibly stupid, and the fight was entirely avoidable but I couldn’t bring myself to shut the fuck up.
- Annette. I got hit by a planet-sized chunk of good luck the day I met her.
- Returning to the classroom next fall, even if it’s only at one school. Fuck Zoom.
I’m better this week than last. A lot of that is just going out into the world and being around people. And sitting down to meals with people I love, which I’ve been able to do a little bit of recently. That makes all the difference in the world.
Here, have a graphic: