Weekly Check In – 12/16/2020

Seventy four weeks out from surgery, and here are the numbers I care about:

  • Weight: grading essays
  • Blood Sugar: grading essays

Sorry, let me give that another shot:

  • Weight: 236
  • Blood Sugar: 102

Up two pounds. I could blame this on sitting too much and grading too much, but if I’m being honest, which is the point of these, I’ve also eaten too much. Probably. I’ve eaten too mindlessly is a better way to phrase it. Last week was one of the worst weeks of the year, in a year that’s destined to be historically famous for shitty weeks. I wrote a post last week but decided against sharing it because it was selfishly angry, and also not very well written.

Last week my good friend Cheryl died. I feel compelled to write about her but I’ll do it when I’ve had a little more time to get my thoughts in order. I will say she was a light in the dark every single time I saw her. She was supernaturally generous, and kind, and loving, and her passing hurts. She should still be with us, but…

So anyway, two pounds up. Very likely for the reasons mentioned above, and I honestly don’t give a shit. Middle of December is when the depression usually sets in, but this year I’m not going to be done grading essays until probably this time next week, and then it’s Christmas two days later. So I’ve got the depression set for the 26th on my many-colored Calendar of Dysfunction.

Three things Iā€™m grateful for:

  • My dead. I miss them all, even the ones I didn’t like very much. I have so many good memories of them that I carry with me through the days, and all of them were a good part of my life (and I was a good part of theirs), even if only for a moment. I think in the Jewish tradition you say something like, “May their memories be a blessing,” and they are.
  • Certified Electoral College votes. Hah.
  • City of Heroes. This is an ancient video game that gives me so much joy and I’ve used it a lot this year (almost irresponsibly) to escape the dread. I’ve used it a lot in this last week for sure.

I’m good this week. There are a lot of terrible things in the world, and a lot of selfish terrible people, but I’m alive, and I have a large family, amazing friends, two awesome dogs, and a house with central air and heating. My life is amazing. Back to the fucking essays.

Here, have a graphic: