Sixty seven weeks out from surgery, and here are the numbers I care about:
- Weight: 233
- Blood Sugar: 104
Definitely happy to maintain where I’m at this last week. The stress (from fucking EVERYTHING) is real. Blood sugar’s holding steady too, so huzzah. About the stress. It’s coming at me in the following forms:
- This miserable fucking election
- This miserable fucking pandemic
- This miserable fucking year
- Nonstop grading
- Student drama
When I say “student drama” I don’t mean one of my students has drama and they’re telling me about it. I mean they’re manufacturing drama, and every time this happens, it stresses me to no end. Then there’s a an essay that SO MANY students didn’t do well on. So many that I’m now wondering if I’ve fucked something up somewhere. And then when I get like this, I start thinking about ways to entirely change how I teach the class but midterms aren’t the right fucking time for that shit. The other three things, I assume need no explanation.
So all this has turned into a week of mindless snacking. Kind of. Not every day. And it’s mindless snacking on protein snacks or tomatoes or almonds or whatever, not mindless snacking on fast food and candy, so I guess it’s a better class of shitty behavior (#winning)? I’m legit grateful to be where I’m at right now. So I guess let’s just go ahead and consider that item number one on today’s gratitude journal (I’m so busy, I’m not gonna be posting two things today).
Items number two and three are my dogs and therapy. The dogs have been an endless source of joy for me this week (more than normal), and I just had therapy earlier today, and I definitely need it. I know so many people who are struggling right now and who don’t have healthcare and, even worse, have preconceived notions that therapy is bad, and they need it but are reluctant to even try. I’m so grateful I admitted I was broken all those years ago and finally gave in.
This gratitude journal thing is pretty amazing. Every day it seems like it gets easier and easier to see things in my life I should be grateful for. Like, for example, all the people who read these posts and give me really useful feedback. If you’re one of those people, please know I’m beyond grateful for you.
I’m grateful that once I’m done writing this, I can stop thinking for the day.
I’m good this week, in spite of the ongoing dumpster fire (and the literal fires that are still raging all around us here in California). 2020 has been an objectively terrible year, and the three years leading up to it weren’t winning any popularity contests either. A lot of damage has been done, and just in case there’s any ambiguity, I’m saying a lot of damage has been done by the Republican leadership in the pursuit of gutting our democracy and transforming it into an oligarchy, and it’s fucking horrible, but America has been here before. We’ve been here before, and we survived it, and we even went on to push through the New Deal, and establish a social safety net and the strongest middle class in our country’s history. As bad as this presidency has been, and as fucking horrifying as it is that some of us are still voting for an openly racist, money-worshipping, authoritarian who cares not even the slightest for our lives or well being, we will survive it. Even if he wins and we have four more years of it, we will survive this and we will move past it, because that’s what we do. And because honestly, there’s no other choice. What are we gonna do, lick Covid off a hospital floor, roll over and die, just because some fake-tan wearing, clown shoes fuckwit partnered up with Russia to steal an election or two? Not me. Not fucking me. We’re stronger than that.
Here, have a graphic: