Weekly Check In – 4/21/2021

Ninety two weeks out from surgery, and here are the numbers I care about:

  • Weight: 237

Down 0.7 pounds, which is nice even though it’s part of the same cycle that’s been playing out over the last several months. Still, better than the alternative. Weight’s more or less steady, blood sugar’s the same, so instead of the physical health, I think I’ll focus on my diseased monkey brain for a moment.

Last Friday I started taking 5mg of Lexapro, which I think I actually wrote about in my last update, but I’m way too lazy to bother checking. I have no idea if it’s doing anything, BUT I unfriended someone on Facebook a few days ago without bothering to explain to him why. A little context:

This is someone I only tangentially know anyway, and he added me as a friend about a week ago, and then responded to one of my posts with a comment that was both confrontational and dismissive of my call for tolerance. Yes, people are allowed their opinions, even if those opinions are unqualified and stupid, and yes, they’re allowed to voice disagreement with me, but not on fucking Facebook they’re not. The only thing I want out of social media is a pleasant distraction and the occasional invitation to a gathering of friends. If we’re at a party and you’re intent on having a political argument with me, then I’ll probably have it and do my best not to call you an asshole. Probably. I know I disagree with several of my friends, but when we engage in any discussion in person, we’re respectful enough to avoid topics we know are contentious. For some reason, for some people, that small courtesy evaporates the minute they’re typing instead of speaking, and I do not need that shit in my life (and especially not on social media).

So this guy I only kind of know gets in my face for reasons unknown, and instead of explaining to him why he was wrong, or why I was going to block him, I just unfriended him without hesitation. I didn’t even feel that little knot of anger in my stomach I usually get when this sort of thing happens. I just removed the problem and if he’s curious about what happened, I’ll be happy to explain it to him the next time I see him. Maybe that’s the medication? Who knows? Regardless, the above incident is an excellent reminder of why I have such draconian policies for who I allow to be my friends on social media. I shouldn’t have strayed.

Three things I’m grateful for:

  • Draconian policies for friending people on social media.
  • Shut Up and Write. This is just a morning Zoom group run by my friend John, where you show up for an hour and both shut up and write. You shouldn’t need to gather on Zoom to do those things, but it’s actually really helpful. Today I’m shutting up and writing this post.
  • My fall schedule. For the first time in a long time, I’ll only be teaching on two campuses this fall, and for the first time ever, I’ll be doing that while teaching five classes and earning a decent wage. Pretty thrilled about this.

I’m good this week. I’m still not waking up early enough to hit the gym, but whatever. I’m kinda done beating up on myself for small shit. There’s still a lot of horrible in the world, but this week I’m focusing on me.

Here, have a graphic: