Weekly Check In – 4/14/2021

Ninety one weeks out from surgery, and here are the numbers I care about:

  • Weight: 238

Up 0.2 pounds. Meh. This whole week has been kinda meh until today. Today – Friday for those of you who give a shit – I actually shaved my skull and face, showered, put on adult clothing and WENT OUT INTO THE WORLD. The world was fine, it says hi. Weirdly though, I was just singing while feeding my dogs and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I didn’t spend the day indoors. I’m teaching two classes on campus at one of my schools in the fall and I couldn’t be happier about that. Last weekend I was talking to Annette and in the course of that discussion I realized that:

  1. Every summer, as we get closer and closer to the start of the fall term, I get more and more depressed due to the complete lack of structure / need to actually go do anything. This is not something I just realized but it’s important that you know that because,
  2. I’ve been on summer break for 13 fucking months.

So, no coincidence, today is the first day of my new Lexapro habit. Five sexy milligrams of “fuck it” in a bitter little pill. No nausea, no migraine, so I guess we’ll see how things are in four to six weeks.

The medication actually showed up yesterday but I made the mistake of reading the various warnings and prescription information. I didn’t know my head could swell up, ejaculate from my eye sockets, and explode. I’ve never read a single piece of medication information aside from what’s on the actual label of the bottle, but this isn’t for blood sugar or a headache…this is a pill they give crazy people, so of course I had to read everything. I’m never ever ever ever ever ever ever doing that again.

Started today. Let’s hope it’s useful.

Three things I’m grateful for:

  • Medication. Maybe not Lexapro specifically, but I’ve gotten pretty fantastic at self awareness over the last 18 years and I’ve spent the last several weeks hyper-scrutinizing my behavior and I so clearly need medication. I started writing this on Wednesday night and didn’t finish it because Annette and I got into a fight over something incredibly stupid, and the fight was entirely avoidable but I couldn’t bring myself to shut the fuck up.
  • Annette. I got hit by a planet-sized chunk of good luck the day I met her.
  • Returning to the classroom next fall, even if it’s only at one school. Fuck Zoom.

I’m better this week than last. A lot of that is just going out into the world and being around people. And sitting down to meals with people I love, which I’ve been able to do a little bit of recently. That makes all the difference in the world.

Here, have a graphic: