Weekly Check In – 11/4/2020

Sixty eight weeks out from surgery, and here are the numbers I care about:

  • Weight: 234
  • Blood Sugar: 107

Up half a pound. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Fuck it, I’ll take it. In the last week, damn near all of my intentional behavior has evaporated in the wake of this crazy monstrosity that’s overshadowing everything else. I just wish I could put my finger on it, identifying the source of your anxiety really helps to overcome it. What could it be?

Just kidding of course, I’m obviously talking about the launch of Season 2 of The Mandalorian on Disney+.

Seriously, this election is easily the most toxic public nightmare since 9/11, and I’m NOT going for hyperbole, and I’m NOT trying to shock people. And at least 9/11 unified us, even if it was only for six months. Also (and again, no hyperbole), 9/11 only killed about 3,000 people. You have to wonder, with all the super-spreader campaign rallies, whether or not this election will give 9/11 any competition. Seriously, I’m wondering that, and I’m not laughing about it.

Back on point, all my intentional behavior has evaporated, but I’m only up a half a pound, which is great because it means a lot of my mindless, autopilot behavior has been upgraded from where it was at a couple years ago. Don’t get me wrong, stress eating and mindless snacking have to stop, but at least it’s almonds and no sugar added chocolate, and not fast food. Seriously, I’m happy about that. It might seem like a small thing to be happy about, BUT HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT’S GOING ON IN OUR COUNTRY THIS WEEK?

I have to get back to mindfulness and paying attention, and I HAVE to get back to the fucking gym. Have to.

I haven’t written a gratitude journal in a couple days because again, #clusterfuck2020, but I’m doing my best to stay on top of those. So, in the spirit of staying grateful, here’s three things:

  • Representative Democracy. It might be broken, but we still have one (for the moment), and I’m grateful for that. And I’m grateful for its resiliency, and for the resiliency of the people who sometimes get stepped on when our democracy breaks down a bit, because they tend to be the people who do the fixing.
  • I’m grateful for the knot on my leg, which I obtained by walking into a tipped-over shopping cart yesterday. It hurts like a motherfucker, and there’s dried blood on it, but those things keep me grounded and prevent my neurotic, fucked-up monkey brain from getting too carried away with itself. The knot tells me, “Hey buddy, here’s some pain. This is real. Civil war isn’t. Neither is a race war. This dull, throbbing pain, this is real. Tend to it. Tend to that other shit if it ever actually manifests into reality. The pain is enough to deal with, and it’s right here and now. Deal with it. You’re good.”
  • I’m grateful I went shopping yesterday (There’s another run on toilet paper and other paper products, just like there was in March. People are seriously concerned there’s going to be civil unrest as a result of this election. Maybe there will be, maybe there won’t, but that’s the perception. If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about how destructive the bloated pumpkin has been these last four years, you aren’t paying attention), so now I can be a shut in for the rest of this week.

I’m good, despite the anxiety. Remembering gratitude genuinely helps. So do my excellent friends.

Here, have a graphic: