Day One (Again)

It was a stupid move. Walking barefoot in July is a bad idea and when you have Type 2 diabetes, it’s a terrible one. And I knew better. And I’m done beating myself up over it. Mostly.

It’s hard not to feel like a stupid dick when your wife has to change your dressing once a day for however many weeks, especially when she herself is injured and walking in a frankenboot (happened the week before we left). This has to fall in the “or for worse” column.

So, we flew out of Cancun in the literal nick of time, and finally got into LAX at midnight on the 4th. Home a little before 2am, awake by 7am, and in the Kaiser ER talking to a doctor by 8am.

The burns on my feet are only second degree, not third, thank god. They cleaned them again, gave us a bunch of supplies to change the dressing and scheduled a follow up appointment with podiatry. Everyone was awesome.

They also took what felt like a gallon of blood for a shit ton of labs. Lactic acid was on the high side of normal, everything else was cool. They also checked my A1C. Last time I had it checked, it was 4.5, which is as close to non diabetic as I’ll ever get. I knew it was going to be higher because of the weight gain over the last few years, but I was terrified it’d be catastrophic. It’s only at 6.1.

Which could be better, but I’ll take it.

They also weighed me (what I’m about to write is beyond upsetting to me) and I’m 384 pounds. I’ll remind you that I’m 6’10” and then ask you to be kind. I’m still lighter than I was when I had my surgery five years ago, but way too close to where I was.

But I’m giving myself a break because beating myself up is 100% unproductive. As I mentioned here, there’s been a LOT of death in the last four years, and the more responsibility I felt to take care of the people I love, the less I took care of myself. I hate saying that, but it’s true. Equally true, is the stress / stress eating thing. That shit is real.

So, I have some goals: Lose weight, and reduce my A1C. Again.

Some positives: my blood pressure is still good, and the vast majority of other weight-related health problems haven’t returned (I have mild swelling in my ankles).

I opened the app I use to track everything, wiped out every single log entry, and input my weight, with a new goal of 300 pounds. If I hit it, I’ll set a new goal. This time around it’s a long game, and that’s okay.

So, here we go. Day one.